Saturday, May 17, 2008

The Present



Look around you, what do you see
Do you see the clouds, the sun shining
What do you see, do you see the trees
Branches reaching towards the sky,
Breeze ruffling the leaves, swaying gently
Do you see the birds, willy wag tail being cheeky
A cat sleekly gliding along, tail in the air
What do you see, grass beneath your feet
Green, tickling your toes, still slightly wet
Do you dance, unaware of anyone else
Do you feel the sun on your face, eyes closed
Hear the dog barking, yapping in the distance
What do you see, the river gracefully flowing
Sweeping along, forever never still
Do you paddle your feet, feeling the cold water
Laying on the river bank, smell of river and grass
Do you let the moment seep into your bones,
Aware only of the present, the sounds, the smells
The blissful awareness of time stopped, only the moment
Only the present, no past or future
But just that moment in time, river, grass and sun

Kaz

13 comments:

Spilling Ink said...

Wow. I see my problem with the present so clearly when I read your beautiful work, Kazza. The beauty and natural things of which you write often surrounded my abuse.

I remember a day a couple of years ago when I went to the beach with my husband and daughters. I am usually a very boring sort during such outings. I always brought a book or something so I could 'opt out'. I never understood why, but I just didn't enjoy things. That particular day, I wanted to enjoy. I didn't read much. I looked around and walked a bit. I wasn't comfortable, but I was mostly okay until I took off my shoes. Just that brief moment of unprotected contact produced a panic attack, three days or so of crying and two weeks of depression. PTSD is the pits.

I was able to reclaim a few things with my camera, but even that was a struggle. For a solid year I was obssessed with photographing almost nothing but the sky. I didn't really understand why at first, but I do now. The sky was the only place I had to go back then when it was happening. I will bring you a link.

KazzaB said...

I'm glad that you had something that felt safe Lynn, even though nothing else might have. I'm really trying right now to remain in the present, rather than too much in the past or the future. It isn't easy to do, I must say!! As I was writing the poem I was really visualising what I was writing and it felt lovely. Gezunda wrote something on her blog about Mindfulness and I thought I would try doing it. We had a meditation workshop at Uni last year and the lecturer was saying that most people spend all their time either in the past or in the future and I know I do it very much. So I'll give it a try and let you know how I go!! LOL I also looked it up on Google and it's quite interesting. This website had some good information on it and he particularly mentions child abuse. http://www.jimhopper.com/mindfulness/

Spilling Ink said...

Thank you for the nice comment you wrote about my photos.

Here are some more. This (the link) is where I used to go. It was all I had. When I began to consciously realize the reason for being so enamored of the sky, I was extremely distraught. I felt like the sky was contaminated for me and the pictures I loved were also contaminated. I felt like I had nothing of my own once again. I was wrong. He doesn't own the sky. The sky was my friend. HE wasn't up there. The sky was not for him, it was for me. It saved me. And I am not embarrassed about that or feeling like I 'caused' the dissociation anymore. Small children do not sit around weighing their options and 'choosing' which mental problems they will have as adults. Like I said - my parents taught me that EVERYTHING was my fault. Even the actions of others and all of the fallout from those actions.

http://spillinginkinpublic.
blogspot.com/2007/12/
blog-post_18.html

Spilling Ink said...

Thank you for that link, Kazza. I will go and see. Even if I am not ready for it now, it might be something to file away for later. Every little bit helps.

KazzaB said...

You're welcome Lynn. I actually learnt about Mindfulness a while ago but I wasn't ready for it at that time. Now I'm investigating it a little more and maybe the time is right for me now. I can take something in but unless I am ready for it, it will stay in the back of my mind, then one day when it's mentioned again something clicks, like it has this time.

KazzaB said...

Your link isn't working Lynn for some reason. I've tried it a few times.

Spilling Ink said...

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.(Just trying to keep the avatar from cutting off the text:-)

If a link does not appear, maybe a copy and paste to the address bar will work.

www.spillinginkinpublic.blogspot.com/2007/12/blog-post_18.html

KazzaB said...

That's what I was doing, was copying and pasting into the browser but it doesn't seem to want to work. LOL I'll try again.

KazzaB said...

Got them now. Gorgeous photos Lynn. Thanks for the link to them.

Spilling Ink said...

Thank you for visiting the post, Kazza. I love having people to share my pictures with. :-)

KazzaB said...

I love the ones with the silohette (sp?) of the trees in them and the ones of the birds. The birds add a real freedom.

Kahless said...

I am real glad you two have been sharing your photo's. I get the feeling that you two share a lot of similar thinking and paths.
Two top people!

KazzaB said...

Thanks Kahless, that's lovely. Actually the two photos I have with this blog I must admit are from the internet. LOL But Lynn does take some gorgeous photos.